Sean Hannity Is A Real Estate Philanthropist According To Sean Hannity Who Would NEVER LIE

By Five Dollar Feminist

[biiwii comment: very pleased to welcome Wonkette to our author lineup as Biiwii travels far afield and expands its scope]

Sean Hannity's DUH face
Sean Hannity: HUMANITARIAN

Raise your hand if you’re surprised that Sean Hannity owns $90 million worth of rental properties. Are you fainting that Fox News’s man of the people, who rails against Hollywood elites before hopping on his private jet, has extensive investments? Were you shocked to read in The Guardian that he snapped up dozens of these properties at fire sale prices after they’d been foreclosed on by banks?

NO, OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT. The Hannity Hypocrisy Hour has been on teevee for eleventy years, and we’ve all developed antibodies by now.

So you accepted with your usual stoicism that Sean Hannity, a guy who spent years screaming that the Obama administration was “picking winners and losers” by guaranteeing loans to clean energy companies, got a whopping $22 million loan guarantee from the Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). Let’s hop in the wayback machine to watch Hannity interview Victoria Toensing (this show needs new characters!) about the Solyndra “Scandal.”

 

Now George Kaiser was one of Solyndra’s biggest investors, and according to the Daily Caller, his charitable foundation made a $10,000 donation to the Urban Health Initiative in 2009. And wouldn’t you know it, well that was the same year that a controversial half a billion dollar loan to Solyndra was secured. Now, for those of you who may not remember, First Lady Michelle Obama helped create the Urban Health Initiative program before she moved into 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. So, are the two connected, or just another so-called coincidence?

Ooooh, what a fun game! Let’s play it Wonkette style!

Now Sean Hannity is one of President Trump’s biggest backers, and according to Trump’s own advisors, he “basically has a desk” in the White House. Hannity owns tens of millions of dollars of rental property which is secured by federally guaranteed loans. And, wouldn’t you know it, he failed to mention that fact when he hosted HUD Secretary Ben Carson on his program in June of 2017. But he did congratulate Carson on the bang up job he’s doing at HUD! And Hannity just plum forgot to say that he and Trump shared the same lawyer for ‘real estate issues.’

Now for those of you who may not remember, Ben Carson heads up the Department that just this March approved an extra $5 million in loan guarantees on top of the $17 Hannity had already received. So, are the two connected, or just another so-called coincidence?

Wow, that wasn’t even hard! Perhaps we can get a job that pays us $36 million per year to persuade Real Muricans to vote against their own interests just to spite brown people!

Don’t worry, there’s a very good explanation for this. And it is that SEAN HANNITY IS A GODDAMN HUMANITARIAN.

It is ironic that I am being attacked for investing my personal money in communities that badly need such investment and in which, I am sure, those attacking me have not invested their money. The fact is, these are investments that I do not individually select, control, or know the details about; except that obviously I believe in putting my money to work in communities that otherwise struggle to receive such support.

Oh, you heathens thought it was about return on investment? Sean Hannity would have you know that, even though he didn’t choose these properties and has no control over them (since 2016 anyway), it’s an entirely philanthropic endeavor. Maybe if you would pull yourself up by your $22 million government-backed bootstraps, you could be like Mother Teresa. Or maybe even SEAN HANNITY!

Also, too, he’d like you to know that these properties are the bestest, most well-maintained apartments in the world.

I can say that every rigorous process and strict standard of improvement requirements were followed; all were met, fulfilled and inspected.

To which we at Wonkette say, YA BETTER HOPE THEY ARE, BUDDY! As your buddy Jared can confirm, every reporter in Georgia is out there interviewing your tenants right now, and if they find a leaky faucet it’s going to wind up on the six o’clock news. But not on Fox, so you’ll probably be fine!

In closing, Sean Hannity would like you all to know that those twenty companies that own 870 units across Alabama, Florida, Georgia, New York, North Carolina, Texas and Vermont are NOT “shell companies.”

The LLC’s are REAL companies that spend real investment money on real properties.

Sure they’re business entities set up to protect the identity of the property owner and shield him from liability. But they use actual Ameros, not cowries or pesos, so GOTCHA Guardian! Maybe one day if you pray real hard you can learn to journalism good like real life expert reporter SEAN HANNITY!

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[The Guardian / NYMag / Hannity.com]

Published by

Gary

NFTRH.com & Biiwii.com